Nocturnal Tears

I have been having nightmares for as long as I can remember, the first really bad one I had was 10 years ago when I was pregnant with my first child, Jacelyn. I don't remember specifics, as it was so long ago, but I remember the gist of it, and the terrifying feeling I had for hours afterwards.

I remember dreaming of sleeping in my apartment, and watching myself in some sort of out of body type fog. As I watched, a pair of men broke in and proceeded to slaughter me and my husband. They walked to the crib in the corner where my infant daughter was still sleeping, lifted her out and gently placed her in her car seat. My spirit followed her as the men walked quickly through the apartment loading her things, formula, bottles, diapers, blankets and clothes. I followed as they took her outside as they loaded her into the car and drove away. I followed her for years, watching from above in the same rooms as they consistently tortured and raped my daughter. Keeping her alive as they came up with new and different things to do to her. I never had any thoughts that were put into words in my head, I simply watched, terrified and heartbroken until she finally died. They buried her in a deep grave in some woods, miles and miles from the road. The last thing I remember is floating to her grave, going under the ground and cradling her dead body in my arms and finally falling asleep, which is when I awoke.

At first I dreamt these types of dreams maybe once every couple of weeks, over the years it has turned into nightmares like these 4 or 5 days a week. I am not looking for any type of reason i am dreaming like this, or what it may possibly mean. I just decided that I would like to have them recorded somewhere. I am planning to write any nightmares I have from now, and occasionally as snippets of old nightmares come back to me writing about those as well.

If you choose to read and follow along feel free to leave me your thoughts or ideas on the nightmares I write about, I welcome any comments.